New Momma Musings



D-man was born on September 18 and I had planned to return to work on December 10. Prior to giving birth, I had fully expected to be somewhat ready to get back to my normal routine and go back to my very enjoyable workplace. I have always considered myself to be a laid back person who appreciates a routine ( a bit contradictory, I know). That being said, however, I assumed getting back to work would be a good thing and I would be ready for some adult time. Boy (pun intended!) was I wrong!

The weeks leading up to my planned return to work (which was also holiday time) were increasingly dreadful. Knowing that we would have a 2 month old, my husband and I told our families that we would not be traveling anywhere for Thanksgiving, but whomever would like to come to our house was welcome, as long as they were ready to help! My parents and grandmother from Florida decided to come visit and my husband’s parents were coming from the mountains for the day. I should have been very excited, as I love to have family in our home! But all I could think about and agonize over for the weeks leading up to Thanksgiving was that as soon as it came, I had only one more week at home with my sweet boy. I was dreading going back to work (and I really love my co-workers and job). So, I began to brainstorm how I could manage a few extra weeks at home through the holidays. Luckily, I contacted my substitute and she eagerly agreed to stay with my class until Winter Break. This made a world of difference for my state of mind and made the holidays so much more enjoyable. Instead of leaving little man at daycare just shy of three months, I now wouldn’t have to leave him until almost 16 weeks!

While I am so grateful for the extra time with my baby, it still did not make that first drop off any easier. I don’t really think there is any way to fully prepare yourself for that first day away. I planned out the morning as best I could, giving myself some extra time for travel (but not too much time, as I didn’t want to miss a minute with my baby!). My husband agreed to come with me for moral support. He later told me it was more to drag me out in case I became that sobbing, clingy mother who will just not leave.

The morning went as planned, and I managed to hold myself together without tears until I began to drive out of my neighborhood. I dried it up before we got to daycare, but then the time had come. My husband and I brought in all of D-man’s belongings (half of which we dropped off the week before, so as to avoid forgetting anything). Now it was time for the final good-bye. My husband gave his kiss and parting words. I, however, could not seem to let go of D-man! I kept envisioning a screaming baby who could not be consoled without his momma! The hubs finally said, “ok, time to go,” and I started to say my good-bye. Tears about to spill over, I handed him off to his teacher. To my surprise, her eyes were welling up also. For whatever reason, this put me at ease, to see the sympathy and compassion in her face. In that moment, I realized that D-man was in a place with truly caring people and I was able to turn and walk out. My husband gave me a hug and kiss, said he was proud of me, and left for work. I got in the car, somewhat proud of myself (the entire visit only took 10 minutes). Then I had a mini sob fest as I drove down the road. Once I arrived at work, I avoided all questions of “how are you?” by giving a head nod and continuing to walk past (had I answered with actual words, I would have broken out into waterworks again).

D-man’s day was great, he took his naps, did not scream unconsolably, and I survived as well. While I still would rather be with him every day, drop offs get a little easier each day and I know he is in great hands. That said, I still run out of work as soon as possible and look forward to each weekend with great anticipation!

It also doesn’t hurt that I get to see him twice a day for feedings (yes, my boss rocks and we are so happy that we chose a daycare facility so close to my work)!

How did your first drop off go?